The UFC has always been an “In House Organization” but now the world’s largest MMA company is preparing to keep things even more in-house with sanctioned prison fights. “With the influx of UFC fighters in jail, we just figured it was time.” Said UFC president Dana White, who is now predicting future criminal activity. “Grocery stores budget for breakage and theft we budget for crime and misdemeanors.”
The Prison Institute will feature UFC fighters in all weight classes but fighters will now have to fight for free. “When a fighter comes to the institute, we own their asses” said White, (con’t) “BUT winners will receive the prize of ‘top bunk bed’ which we think is pretty generous.”
One (anonymous) fighter was quoted; “Just like in Ireland, me wallet in here is full. I’m not too concerned.”
The UFC has built a special prison cell octagon, in which fighters/inmates will be locked in. UFC Vice President of Talent Relations Mick Maynard, tweeted; “We have Jorge Masvidal who has agreed in principle, to fight Conor McGregor and we’ve tapped Colby Covington as special guest referee.” Maynard in a follow-up tweet said heavyweight Jon Jones has shown interest in fighting other incarcerated athletes like Oscar Pistorius. The UFC Prison Institute will also host a new prison themed game show called Shiv or Shank? DWCS: Lock UP and The Ultimate Fighter: Solitary Confinement.